No Words
Sometimes there are no words to describe when the pit of your stomach falls out and your breath catches in your throat. There are no words to describe when you mask all the time except that one time when you couldn’t breathe. The time when in the doctor’s office the mask had to come offContinue reading “No Words”
Tender and Taboo
Talking on the phone with a friend, I closed my eyes to listen. In their story about love, grief, mental illness, and marriage, I heard the sound of hope walking away, like barefoot footsteps waking down the hallway to the bedroom. The problem is that echoes of hope are not enough. The problem is thatContinue reading “Tender and Taboo”
Valentine’s Day Challenges
Here’s our love story: We met online initially, then after a few weeks of online communication, we decided to meet up in person at a yoga studio. Following a Friday night candlelight flow session, he invited me out for some sushi. That’s how I first met and started dating my husband. This narrative is anContinue reading “Valentine’s Day Challenges”
If I Should Die Before I Wake
I surprised myself and my publisher yesterday by replying to their email saying the book Blessed Union: Breaking the Silence About Mental Illness and Marriage saved my life. For one, over the course of the years researching and writing the book, my marriage was saved by a combination of anti-depressant medications, anti-anxiety medications, CBD oil,Continue reading “If I Should Die Before I Wake”
Real Talk About Real Marriage
Why does depression suck the life out of the bedroom? Why does PTSD make it hard to be vulnerable with my partner? Why do I disappear into a screen rather than gaze into my lover’s eyes? Why was it so much easier when we were drinking? Why do I feel disconnected from my own bodyContinue reading “Real Talk About Real Marriage”
God of the Depressed
On Tuesday, January 19, I offered a prayer on the steps of the Indiana State House as part of a community interfaith prayer service. The invitation said they needed a woman faith leader who could pray as all the dozen or so faith leaders speaking so far were men. I offered this prayer as aContinue reading “God of the Depressed”
PTSD and the COVID19 Vaccine
Don’t let PTSD keep you from getting your shot. Today I needed lots of emotional support to prepare for my first COVID-19 vaccine. I worked all day fighting off my fears and anxieties. I scolded myself for having irrational thoughts. I spent hours reading the latest research about vaccine safety. I felt ashamed about feelingContinue reading “PTSD and the COVID19 Vaccine”
Preparing for the Big Day Four Weeks Away
I’m getting butterflies preparing for the Big Day! Since my new book Blessed Union is about mental illness and marriage, I’m wedded to the metaphor of my February 9 book publication date as my wedding day. I checked out the Bridal Guide for advice about what to do in this exciting time leading up toContinue reading “Preparing for the Big Day Four Weeks Away”
The Rape of Lady Democracy
Trigger warning: references sexual assault::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: On the evening of January 6, 2021, Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi referred to the US Capitol building as the “temple of democracy.” As a Christian, I’ve been taught that my body is a temple. Part of what I am feeling the day after the assault on our democracyContinue reading “The Rape of Lady Democracy”
The Year I Became A Child
As the youngest of five children, part of me believed what I was told: I was the baby of the family. There’s only one problem with that: I wanted nothing to do with a helpless, crying, needy creature. I worked hard to prove this label false. If my older brother was afraid to jump offContinue reading “The Year I Became A Child”
A Haunting Hope
How can we hold onto hope when we are haunted by the past? Choose your haunting. The year 2020 alone provides plenty of personal, national, and global hauntings to choose from. Is it the carefully tended to death of your elderly loved one under the care of hospice that haunts you? Is it the horrificallyContinue reading “A Haunting Hope”
God is Still Listening
In my faith tradition we often say “God is still speaking.” If God is still speaking, then what is God saying? Where do we hear the voice of God today? I hear God shouting in the streets. I hear God advocating for justice. I hear God demanding equality. Right now I need a God whoContinue reading “God is Still Listening”
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